Bagging the Z's

My best friend tells me I'm the ideal person to have a sleepover with. In her own words, she says: "you lie so still and don't make a sound!". That makes me sound like a bunch of fun, doesn't it? I've never really been one for an all-nighter.

I have come up with some ideas to notify people about my narcolepsy, as a lot of the places I fall asleep are public. I could wear an eye mask with "Narcoleptic" elegantly embroidered across it. A sign, but instead of saying "WET FLOOR", it could say "DO NOT DISTURB - Narcolepsy in progress". Or I could just tattoo my eyelids. If anybody has any other ideas - please do get in touch! I have often been nudged and prodded by people who try and wake me up - some with good intentions, but also some without. Being woken up from a sleep attack will only extend my excessive daytime sleepiness, causing a longer sleep episode later. I would so much rather be left to wake up naturally, thank you. Unless I am about to miss my train stop. Then you may proceed.

Sleeping is a talent of mine. I was the reigning champion of sleeping lions at birthday parties growing up. I am frequently asked if I struggle to sleep at night. I tend to wake up around 5 times every night, as narcolepsy disrupts the quality of sleep. I begin to dream as soon as I fall asleep (hypnogogic hallucinations) or just before/during when I wake up (hypnopompic hallucinations). My REM (Rapid Eye Movement) kicks in almost immediately after I fall asleep. For a normal person, it kicks in 90 minutes after falling asleep. I've got into the habit of taking naps - I'm very good at it - it can improve my alertness for a couple of hours after I wake. I do not take any medication, although the doctors wanted to prescribe me with amphetamines (SPEED). There is no cure, however, there is a possibility I could grow out of it later in life. Part of me hopes that I don't because otherwise, I'll lose my best talent. Or only talent.

Over the years, I've been working on a list: places where I have fallen asleep. I have also rated them out of 10. Here are a few:

• THE LIBRARY: Trying to concentrate on my deadlines but falling asleep instead. In front of lots of people too? A no from me. BUT an excuse to go home early. 4/10
• THE DINNER TABLE: Using mashed potato as a pillow has not been my favourite experience. Food gets cold. Wouldn't recommend. 2/10
• TRANSPORT: This can be cars, trains, planes, boats etc. Very soothing. Makes the journey go quicker. Shame I can't lie down though. 8/10
• NIGHTCLUBS: Bouncers think I'm completely rat assed. Mates tell me I got it wrong. Just want to have a good time but my brain won't let me. Hanging out of my arse the next day. 1/10
• CLASSROOMS: An excuse to not listen to the teacher. Desks are surprisingly comfy. Get to leave and go to bed. Yes please. 9/10
• HAIRDRESSERS: Warm and relaxing, especially with a hairdryer blowing down my neck. Hairdresser keeps telling me to keep my head up. Bit inconvenient. Also, a sore neck. 6/10
• FLOOR: King of places to sleep. There is a floor everywhere. Can lie in any position, Plenty of room. 10/10

It was a miracle I passed my A-Levels considering the number of lessons I missed because of sleep attacks. Let's see how I do in my degree!